I Will No Longer Apologize for My Child Existing in Public Spaces.

I had some conversations lately with my parent friends discussing negative comments and dirty looks we’ve received regarding our children simply existing in public places. Things like “leave them at home”, “children have no place there”, “there isn’t room for a child in an adult’s conversation”.

After having these conversations and listening to a recent episode of the Shelf Help podcast about our children in public (ep. from June 13, 2022: "Following the Child in Public") I went into a trip to the zoo feeling prepared and ready to confidently take up space with my child. He deserves it. What I mean by "taking up space" is feeling valid, worthy, and deserving of being there. No longer apologizing for my child simply behaving like a child (so long as he isn't harming anyone obviously). Well, the zoo trip didn’t go at all as I planned - not due to other people, but due to myself.

I’ve struggled with anxiety disorder my whole life. Crowded situations like the zoo really heighten my anxiety and I find I’m very irritable and overstimulated. I found myself not wanting to even try to navigate the crowds at the zoo to get Luca to the windows to see the animals. I just felt bad for having the big bulky stroller and being in the way. And even when we did get to the front to see the animals, I rushed my family because I didn’t want to take away time from anyone else. I, for some reason, felt that we would bother other people by doing the same thing everyone else does at the zoo. This is a big ME problem.

I don’t want Luca to grow up thinking he needs to get out of the way. We need to be mindful and courteous of course, but there’s a fine line between that and robbing ourselves of experiences due to the fear of being in the way. I'm still a new mom (Luca is 14 months old) so I am still learning how to be a calm, confident leader. I want to grow in this area to be sure I am modeling self-love, positivity and confidence to Luca.

I know a lot of us apologize for our children when they are being rowdy or even sometimes when they are just exploring their environments and maybe getting a little *too* close to others in public. I know other parents do this because I've been on the receiving end of those apologies. I of course reassure those apologizing parents with "No worries whatsoever!" accompanied by a warm smile; but when it comes to my own child, I find myself apologizing for him when it isn't at all necessary.

My hope is that this post encourages you to think about your interactions with others in relation to your children. Do you find yourself apologizing for them like I do? Our children are simply learning to navigate the world - this shouldn't require an apology from us to others. All of us began in their shoes. I will be challenging myself to pause and consider how it makes my child feel when I apologize for his loudness or curiosity in public spaces. I will further challenge myself to stop.