A Child-Led Approach to Potty Learning?
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Once my son hit the 18-month mark, I found that toilet learning (also known as potty training) was coming to my mind frequently. There were plenty of factors contributing to this, particularly that many of my parent friends were beginning the formal toilet learning process. Toilet learning has always sounded like an intensely horrific process full of headaches and messes. However, incorporating the Montessori method at home reminds me that typically when following the child's lead, things tend to go a bit smoother.
From Early On...
Beginning around 9 or 10 months of age, I purchased a small potty chair to sit in the bathroom. I often found myself using the bathroom with a baby in my arms, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to add a potty that was his size to begin toilet associations. We use the "Summer by Ingenuity My Size Potty". I appreciate that it looks like our adult-sized toilets. My son started off mostly interested in putting books in the compartment on the back of his small toilet but he was still making connections even without actually going on the potty. Along with the small toilet, I added a mirror and a stool to the bathroom environment. You could use a pull-up bar instead of a stool if that works better in your space! The purpose is for the child to have somewhere to pull up to stand for standing diaper changes. The mirror allows the child to see the whole process as the diaper change unfolds. Seeing the process provides the opportunity for the child to learn about his/her body.
Standing diaper changes were a game changer for us at 10 months old as my son became more active and wiggly! This approach involves changing the child's diaper while they remain standing, as opposed to laying them down. It can be particularly useful when you're on the go or in situations where a changing table isn't available. At first it was tricky, but I quickly found that standing diaper changes made the process quicker, as it eliminated a lot of the wiggliness. Along with standing diaper changes, we invited our son to take his diapers to the trash can, help flush the toilet, etc. I believe getting him involved in the process from an early age further allowed him to make important toileting connections.
Observation and Readiness...
I'll be honest - I never read potty books or invested a ton of time into trying to determine which training method was best fit for us. The main reason being: my son was ready long before I expected. Toilet learning was not something I had any plans of formally introducing until somewhere around age 2. I don’t feel like there’s a set age where a child is automatically “ready” as every child is different. My son started showing more interest in his potty when he was roughly 18 months old, so we went to the store and let him choose some underwear. Once we got them home, he wanted to put them on. Then he decided he preferred them over diapers so we followed his lead!
Prior to us purchasing underwear for him, he was sitting on his toilet with pants on. Once he was comfortable with that, we offered for him to actual use the potty. If he didn’t want to, we didn’t push him. He went on this way for probably a month or so before wanting to use the potty more consistently. This was the biggest "sign of readiness" I observed. Another sign was that he was going longer stretches of keeping dry diapers.
The Process
For the first few days of really jumping into toilet learning, we offered the toilet every 30 minutes to an hour. He started going longer stretches without needing to use the bathroom. After about 1.5 weeks, he started telling us when he needed to go. However, this part wasn't always consistent. He sometimes doesn’t even tell us now if he’s really focused on play. He often wanted to read books while in the bathroom and I personally didn't see a problem
with that, though there are some people concerned that the child will sit on the toilet for long periods of time which isn't good for them long-term. Not to worry in our case because the books we read were not very long! We chose not to use rewards or punishments. He did not receive stickers or any major celebration when he went on the potty, rather, we would say something like, "Wow! You just used the toilet! Let's now flush it together." We were also careful not to shame him when accidents occurred. We tried to remain very matter-of-fact without any overreactions. As in many other aspects of Montessori, we involve the child as much as possible in the cleanup when accidents do happen. This allows the child to begin to understand what happens when they go in places other than on the toilet.
There were times when our son was just learning when we would leave the house and he was not comfortable using the big toilets in public restrooms, especially auto-flushers. We used to bring post-it notes to cover the sensors which helped significantly. This way, we could provide adequate warning before removing the post-it notes to allow the toilet to flush. We use the One Proud Toddler travel seat when we are on the go (AUTUMN10 is my affiliate discount code if interested!) This seat folds up very compactly so it's easy to toss in the diaper bag, Now that he has been doing this for a while, he is no longer afraid of the toilets and mostly just covers his ears as a precaution since many public toilets tend to be loud.
Follow the Child...
At the heart of Montessori is the effort to follow the child's lead. Children have their own internal timelines for toilet learning. It's not about imposing a rigid schedule or age-based expectations. Instead, the child's readiness and interest are the primary factors. The Montessori approach to toilet learning is a child-centered, respectful, and gradual process that prioritizes the child's autonomy and development. It recognizes that each child is unique and may have their own timeline for achieving toilet independence! This approach worked well for our family but it may not be right for yours. I always try to emphasize that following the child truly means everything could look different from one family to the next. I am simply sharing what works for us and I encourage you to do the same for your family!
Want to See More?
I have quite a few reels on Instagram regarding our favorite bathroom products, preparing the environment, and toilet learning. I will link them below for you to review!
Standing Diaper Changes - https://www.instagram.com/p/CbkdUfsD9Hw/
Toilet Learning Reel - https://www.instagram.com/p/CoVNwDVpPjG/
Toddler-Accessible Bathroom - https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cv7xHFeJkGN/
Montessori Toddler Bathroom Favorites - https://www.instagram.com/reel/CkREtHppUrs/
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